Why you need to watch Spanish Snow White movie ...

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Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Teen Wolf: The Girl Who Knew Too Much.

Posted on 7:06 AM by christofer D
Previously on Teen Wolf: "Visionary".

Before we move onto this week's review, I've gotta mention that immediately after posting last week's, I heard a theory that I reeeeally hope is true. That is, that the "Derek" we saw in last week's flashbacks is actually Peter Hale. I hope this is the case because otherwise Derek is a pretty terrible character, both writing-wise and as a person. However, if it does turn out to be Peter Hale then I'm still not going to be enormously impressed, because the clues/foreshadowing in the episode were kind of nonsensical. But I'll discuss that in more detail if/when we learn more in future episodes.
"The Girl Who Knew Too Much" was back on classic Teen Wolf form, featuring multiple scenes in the boy's locker room for no reason whatsoever. How many people have died there, now? Not to mention all the fight scenes. Murdering each other in the highschool boy's locker room in the middle of the night: the favourite hobby of Beacon Hills citizens. What I don't understand is why the lights weren't on at the beginning of the episode, because there were clearly a bunch of kids in the school for that music practice. My personal theory is that nobody switched them on because nobody in Beacon Hills has the natural mammalian survival instinct of being afraid of the dark. At last, an explanation for why so many of them wander off into the forest to die! It must be something in the water. Alternatively, they're all were-lemmings.
Re: this week's crop of hilarious murders, I'm sooooo annoyed that Stiles didn't immediately open his werewolf explanation with Cora wolfing out. Doesn't he read fanfic?? HELLO. Also, I was waiting and waiting for Sheriff Stilinski to say that he thinks Stiles is a serial killer, because this episode was like the cherry on the cake of Stiles showing up at every murder scene ever. But emotionally, the final straw was when Stiles was trapped on the opposite side of a door while his father was in mortal peril. THIS IS THE KIND OF "THIS MIGHT HURT" THAT I WAS HOPING FOR THIS SEASON. Anything happening to Stiles' dad = maximum agony. Maximum agony. Particularly since the Sheriff is gonna make excellent bait for Stiles next week, since Stiles is a virgin and a guardian and a warrior and a philosopher. (I'm not sure how he's a healer, but just let me run with this theory until it gets Jossed, OK?)
One of the funniest elements of this week's Teen Wolf is that the FBI have been "on their way" to Beacon Hills for like SIX WEEKS.
— H. Tailor (@Hello_Tailor) July 30, 2013

Something like 30 people have been violently murdered in Beacon Hills in the last year, and the FBI are like, "Meh, let's leave it a week."
— H. Tailor (@Hello_Tailor) July 30, 2013

Knowing Beacon Hills, the FBI will show up and turn out to be some kind of subterranean hellbeast. "WE FEAST ON HUMAN FLESH," they explain.
— H. Tailor (@Hello_Tailor) July 30, 2013

"Good afternoon, I'm Agent Alucard," says the FBI guy. Ten weeks later, Stiles sees "Alucard" spelled out in a mirror, and gasps. #TeenWolf
— H. Tailor (@Hello_Tailor) July 30, 2013
Speaking as a wordsmith and a journalist, I would describe Jennifer's character progression in this episode as a transition from "LOL" to "WTF". We began with another of those deliciously unrealistic English classes of which teen dramas are so fond. Is she teaching everyone an important Metaphor Lesson that will Come In Useful later in the show? Are she and Lydia flirting with each other? We may never know, because it's now been revealed that Jennifer Blake is Gary Oldman's skinless psycho character from Hannibal, and is therefore almost certainly not going to get hired to teach at Beacon Hills High next term.
I have decidedly mixed feelings over the demise of Cute Girlfriend Jennifer Blake. On the one hand, it was fairly clear from the start that she'd end up either evil or dead, because there's no room for any more "normal people" in Teen Wolf's main cast. However, I do find it irritating that all the misogynist anti-Dennifer fans will now get to feel vindicated on their theories that Jennifer was ~bad news all along~. I feel I should preface this with the admission that most of my favourite ships are slash ships, but I've seen this time and time again in multiple fandoms, and it's always dismal: People get invested in a slash pairing, and then get monumentally enraged when one of the main two guys get a female love interest in canon. After that, the only possible reaction is to decide that the female love interest is a poorly-written evil whorebitch from hell, and that she should drop dead. And it doesn't help when canon turns around and seemingly proves them right.
Jennifer's reveal was disappointingly lacking in nuance. Rather than showing her as a more interesting "shades of grey" character who did some bad things for a reason, she's both an evil seductress and a hideous monster. Her motivations and personality seem simultaneously less complex and less rational than those of the notoriously evil Kate Argent. Kate tortured people, seduced a teenage boy and burned an entire family alive in their own house because she believed that werewolves were unequivocally evil, and because she was raised by a psychopath who taught her that ends always justified the means. Jennifer killed a bunch of people because she worships a bloodthirsty pagan god, and also (possibly?) because she gains their power/life-force when they die. And she disguised herself as a cute schoolteacher and seduced Derek because... of reasons...?
source: @MTVteenwolf
I mean, I don't doubt that there may be some good reasons for her to be an evil mass-murdering monster, but at the moment all we really have is the possible explanation that she was mutilated as a child. And that she's Secretly Evil. I'm just disappointed that rather than developing her into a three-dimensional villain, this revelation has almost reduced her as a character. Plus, it's yet another disastrous relationship for Derek Hale, the king of manpain. Oh, and I don't understand how she can instantaneously heal a bullet wound and disguise her appearance to the extent that she could have sex with a werewolf, but she can't heal her facial scarring. Although this is Teen Wolf, so I can let that shit slide.
Aside from the whole Jennifer business, this was a relatively good week for the main gurlz. Lydia was fantastic -- or at least Holland Roden was fantastic, because Lydia's life is 100% terrible, up to and including screaming "I'M PSYCHIC!" at a roomful of people who clearly think she's unhinged. I'm glad they finally got round to mentioning that she's a banshee, because OBVS. And Allison! Someone leave me to die, because that Allison/Scott/Isaac threesome NEEDS TO HAPPEN, now more than ever. Isaac needs to spend every episode looking worried and being saved by tough ladies, because wow. Also, I loved Allison's coat in this episode. Very classy.
Finally, I can't help but mention that the Cora/Derek situation continues to be dire. I think the bedside scene was meant to strengthen their onscreen relationship, but IMO Cora's entire character arc and relationship with Derek continues to be utterly baffling. WHY DIDN'T HE REACT WHEN SHE CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD? Why do they never interact in a way that makes sense? And I don't mean like, "These people are emotionally damaged and find it impossible to express their feelings." I mean in the sense that there's been no evidence up until now that they are anything other than casual acquaintances who are forced to share the same apartment.
It's a bizarre counterpoint to Cora's reaction to Boyd's death, in that she cares wayyyy more than people like Scott and Stiles who have known him for months/years. Particularly Scott, who you'd think would at least get one scene of being upset because one of his fellow Teen Wolves have kicked the bucket. Hint: If one of your characters is saying things like, "Why don't you care that Boyd's dead?" it only points out to the audience that it's weird for people to not mention their recently-murdered friend. Stiles had more of an emotional reaction to the deaths of Rachel and the Sheriff's deputy than to Boyd. Considering the fact that Teen Wolf was given a 24-episode season this year, I find it really strange that so many important things like the Derek/Cora reunion and the apparent Boyd/Cora friendship take place offscreen, when we still get scenes like Scott and Ms Morrell glaring at each other for three solid minutes and explaining stuff that we already knew.

Miscellaneous
  • Chris Argent is... HOT DAD TOMB RAIDER.
  • Nothing has ever been more convincing than Ethan adjusting Danny's tie so that his top button is undone and the tie is two inches below it, and then declaring it "perfect". TEEN GAYZ.
  • "Voltron wolf." 
  • Of course Derek and Jennifer meet in a romantic deserted underpass. Derek can ONLY go on dates to derelict and/or abandoned buildings.
  • Seriously though, that scene with Ms Morrell was stilted and pointless. WHY.
  • At the beginning of the episode, my brother was all, "Who's that?" when the Sheriff's deputy showed up, and I was like, "Intern Dana from Welcome to Night Vale". I felt SO VINDICATED when we got to see her doppelganger. Kill your double!! Kill your double!! (N.B. Do we actually know why she saw herself as a corpse before she died? Or was that just a weird camera thing? Or was she a ghost?)
  • How did Jennifer get hold of Aiden's phone? Do her Darach powers give her control over cellphones, as evidenced in episode 1?
  • That concert scene was MAXIMUM HILARIOUS. The entire orchestra went nuts and started playing a cross between the Dark Knight Rises chanting soundtrack and, like, ritual drumming, but the audience just sort of looked around uncomfortably until someone actually died onstage. BEACON HILLS. Why hasn't everyone left town yet. How is anyone still alive.
  • Why didn't Lydia tell anyone where she was going when she followed that fake text from Aiden? Y'ALL NEED TO LEARN ABOUT THE BUDDY SYSTEM.
Previous Teen Wolf posts.

Find me on Twitter @hello_tailor, and Tumblr at hellotailor. 
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Friday, July 26, 2013

Why you need to watch Spanish Snow White movie "Blancanieves" AT ONCE.

Posted on 12:06 PM by christofer D
Blancanieves came out in 2012, but I figured that if I'd managed to miss it first time round, some of you guys might too. And you should definitely be watching this movie, because it's fantastic. Last year saw two major Snow White blockbusters come and go, and neither of them were good. I was obsessed with the badass-looking Snow White and the Huntsman until I actually saw it, and the reviews for Mirror Mirror were so bad that I didn't even bother -- despite the fact that the costumes were by Eiko Ishioka, one of the most talented designers in cinema history. Blancanieves, however, is perfect.
I confess, this post isn't for purely altruistic reasons: I want everyone to go and see this movie so I can get someone to write fanfiction about it. Because seriously, it's a black-and-white silent film about matadors. This is not going to get a vast quantity of traction online, outside of the Yuletide festival for obscure fanfic. So I need you to a) watch Blancanieves, b) fall in love with Blancanieves like I did, and c) nominate it as a Yuletide fandom this Christmas, so we can all share the love. OK?
Blancanieves is far, far better than the vast majority of supposedly "fairytale" movies I've seen in recent years, keeping the basic elements of the Snow White story but changing the setting to 1920s Spain. Snow White's mother dies in childbirth, leaving her father, a paralysed former bullfighter, alone with a predatory nurse -- the inevitable Evil Stepmother. But rather than growing up to be a flamenco dancer like her mother and grandmother, Snow White becomes a bullfighter. A bullfighter.
To someone who hadn't so much as watched the trailer, this development was beautifully unexpected. There is no "women can't be bullfighters!" journey, or really any of the kind of girl power tribulations one usually has to go through when a woman wants to do anything in Historical Times. Obviously in most films, the girl power tribulations are necessary and provide realistic conflict, but the fairytale nature of Blancanieves meant they could just get on with it. Sometimes, little girls are forced to live in the coal cellar by their evil, beautiful stepmothers. And sometimes they grow up to tour Spain in a caravan with a troupe of bullfighting dwarves. (N.B. The bullfighting stuff is not gory. I'm vegetarian and am very aware that bullfighting is The Worst, but in the context of this movie it was fine.)
There is no prince in Blancanieves, and I can't tell you how happy that made me. I love fairytales, and I love romance... but somehow, 90% of the movies that combine those two things end up being kind of a yawnfest, because they just recycle terrible old gender-rolesy tropes. Anyhow, Blancanieves is very obviously Snow White's story, and while it's thoroughly romantic, it isn't a Boy Meets Girl story. That being said, she does have a love interest: He's one of the dwarves. (See my previous points re: fanfic. I NEED SOMEONE TO WRITE ABOUT THIS. It's a very sweet love story.) Instead, much of the movie focuses on Snow White's relationships with her family: first her blood relatives, and then the dwarves.
This movie won about a gazillion awards, and rightfully so. Not only was it gorgeous, but it managed to tell a story about European circus(ish) performers in the 1920s without ending up as a Moulin Rouge-style pastiche. And the costumes were gorgeous. Honestly, this is the perfect story for black and white because so many fairytale good/evil tropes are already coded into the visuals. The evil stepmother is sumptuously gothic, combining the black of mourning with vampiric sexuality, while Snow White's pale skin and black hair are literally written into the story already. There's a beautiful moment when the young Snow White's brand new confirmation dress is dunked into a vat of black dye, readying her for a life of wearing black and living in her stepmother's coal cellar.
So, just to recap: Why you need to watch Blancanieves:
  • It somehow manages to be Bechdel-compliant without technically including a single line of dialogue.
  • A short-haired, bullfighting Snow White. 
  • A lovely and unconventional romance.
  • It's an old-school fairytale that combines creepiness with a simple, emotional storyline.
  • Beautiful, intricate 1920s Spanish costumes.
Postscript: I yearn for a matador suit. Yearn.
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Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Teen Wolf, "Visionary".

Posted on 8:10 AM by christofer D
Previously on Teen Wolf: "Currents". 

This episode was so shitty that I considered not writing a review at all, because this is clearly not going to be a funny or entertaining post. But then I decided, hey! That would be a fitting commentary on the episode itself, which was not funny or entertaining either. As one of my friends put it on Twitter, "If this was a fanfic, I would've X-ed out ages ago."

Most of my problems with this episode boil down to two main issues: the fact that it was total nonsense, and the continuation of this season's ongoing effort to ruin Derek Hale for everyone. That second issue is pretty damn ironic, because the apparent aim of Derek's backstory is to make him seem more sympathetic and tragic, but instead he ended up looking like even more of an asshole than before. Which is, unfortunately, a microcosm of the failure of this season's "This Might Hurt" tagline.
At first, the whole "This Might Hurt" theme seemed like an excellent idea. Yes, I realise that the slogan was thought up by an MTV marketing team rather than the actual Teen Wolf writers, but it fits perfectly with Jeff Davis' love of torturing beloved characters. And we were looking forward to it! Teen Wolf thrives on angst and violence and doomed romance. HOWEVER. 90% of this season's angst, violence, and doomed romance has been focused on Derek, who does not need it. Like, his character has already MAXED OUT on trauma, what with his entire family being burned to death, and having been seduced by an evil hunter who presumably warped his view of sex and relationships for life. In TV Land, where every "dark" and "misunderstood" character has to be fueled by childhood trauma and dead-relative manpain, Derek Hale was already lightyears ahead of everyone else in Teen Wolf.

In the first two seasons, Derek Hale was a compelling character because every hint of backstory helped us make sense of his emotionally stunted personality. When you know that his family were all murdered by his first girlfriend (or, as we now know, not his first girlfriend), you have an immediate explanation for why he's terrible at interpersonal relationships and is suffering from a pretty clear case of PTSD. Basically, Derek's method of surviving his horrible life is just to react to everything without thinking it through, because his universe is a cruel and chaotic place, and he never got the chance to learn how to think things through. As a characterisation choice, this made perfect sense, and was also a really beautiful example of how to make an outwardly assholic character seem tragic and sympathetic -- without negating his many personal flaws.
source
Season 3 has gone out of its way to negate this by adding a bunch of angst subplots that either led nowhere (Cora) or seemed completely superfluous (Erica and Boyd). Boyd's death was particularly irritating, because it was almost pointless from a "This Might Hurt" standpoint (because Isaac would have been a more "hurtful" death, and because Boyd was generally underutilised as a character). Also, as I previously pointed out, Derek doesn't need any more manpain. And there was a direct corrolation between Boyd and Paige's deaths, because they both had this implausible attitude towards their impending demise: to reassure Derek that it was "worth it". Or in Paige's case, that she somehow ~knew all along~ that it was going to happen, and that she still loved him. I'm sorry, but this is bullshit. Yes, Paige and Derek were involved in an ~intense teen romance, but Paige was given BARELY any character development and was very obviously an accessory to Derek's manpain. And if anything, her bizarrely sanguine attitude towards being violently murdered was even less believable than Boyd's, because she was a fifteen-year-old girl, and had no previous exposure to violence. This was a by-the-book example of the fridged girlfriend trope:
  1. Female character is introduced as an object of desire, usually with some kind of ~quirky detail to fill in for the fact that there's no time to give her a personality or life of her own. In this case, it's playing the cello.
  2. Male hero immediately falls in love with her, because of reasons. 
  3. Montage of idyllic love scenes. (In this case located in an abandoned distillery, because Derek Fucking Hale.)
  4. Girlfriend is promptly murdered, giving the hero ample reason to either angst forever (because it's "his fault") or to go on a revenge-fuelled killing spree and/or bout of manly alcoholism.
Now, everyone go watch this multifandom fanvid about manpain and the fridged girlfriend trope, and try telling me that Paige Nolastname's life and death were even remotely meaningful. And don't even get me started on Young Derek Hale as a gross, douchey example of "romantic bullying" in young teen romances. HE DOESN'T EVEN ASK IF SHE WANTS THE BITE.
The introduction of another bad-idea romance into Derek's life at least partially undermined what we already knew about his relationship with Kate. The idea of inexperienced teen Derek being exploited by an older woman who then murdered his entire family is deeply, deeply tragic and is a perfect origin story for the emotionally paralyzed angstbucket we see today. However, the addition of "Derek Hale: douchey stalker who semi-murdered his first girlfriend" is not doing this characterisation any favours. There are ways for a character to kill someone they love and still have it be emotionally compelling, but this was not one of them. "This Might Hurt" would be a suitable tagline if Stiles accidentally shot his father while aiming at Deucalion. "This Might Hurt" would work if Peter Hale managed to persuade everyone that Deaton is secretly an evil druid. "This Might Hurt" would work if Isaac was killed by the Alpha Pack, and Scott was then arrested for his murder. Having Derek go through with this (quite frankly IDIOTIC) plan to have a 7-foot werewolf psycho bite his highschool girlfriend? NOT SO MUCH.
OK, so I definitely have a few more issues with the utter failure of Derek Hale as a boyfriend (WHAT A DOUCHE) and Derek Hale's backstory as a storytelling technique (GODAWFUL), but I feel it's time to move onto the other aspect of why this episode sucked: ie, the fact that it didn't make any fucking sense. Now, unreliable narrators can often make things interesting, but in this case I felt that Peter and Gerard's unreliable narration was a bizarre storytelling choice, because their lies only "work" if Scott and Stiles never have a conversation about what they just learned. Which would be pretty odd, firstly because they're best friends, secondly because they have no motivation not to share info with each other, and finally because Stiles is Scott's first port of call when Thinking needs to get done
The fact that Peter was always a total Voldemort (Tom Riddle?) would have been an interesting revelation were it not for the fact that it doesn't even make sense within this very episode. In Season 1, Derek says that before the fire, Peter was "different". Now, what we could take from this is that Peter was a psychopath all along, but he was just better at hiding it when Derek was a teenager. However, if Peter was the one to talk Derek into killing his girlfriend then I find it COMPLETELY implausible that Derek would continue to trust Peter after that, no matter how stupid Derek was at fifteen.
The most confusing piece of nonsense in this episode was the issue of the werewolf aging process. Now, it may just be that I'm a moron who just missed some sensible explanation for all this, but there was some weird shit going on with the ages in those flashbacks. Most noticeably, Peter Hale (now 35-40) appeared to be about 19 during the flashbacks, which were set, at most, about ten years ago. Meanwhile Derek (now aged ~25) was a Sophomore. However, the rest of the "older" characters (Sheriff Stilinski; both the Argent men; the Alphas) were played by the same actors. Now, the conversation between Peter, Stiles and Cora implied that there was something unusual about the werewolf aging process, BUT Cora and Derek both look exactly like their real ages. And there was no evidence that the flashbacks took place any longer than 10 years ago, which would make sense from a normal chronological perspective. So WHY THE HELL WAS PETER HALE PLAYED BY A YOUNGER ACTOR?
There were many elements of ridiculous idiocy in this episode that were perfectly acceptable from a Teen Wolf perspective. For example, the fact that Paige was miming cello very, very poorly: absolutely fine. The hilarious druid/Greek myth werewolf explanation that ignored centuries of well-known mythology and historical research: 100% normal, for supernatural teen media. Deucalion going blind (rather than dying) when Gerard stabbed him in the eyes with electrified arrows? Fine, I'll go with it. But entirety of Derek's backstory was so poorly handled that I just can't swallow it.

Miscellaneous
  • TALIA HALE. I've been waiting for a real wolf werewolf since this show began, and Talia was AWESOME. In fact, I'd say she was the best part of the flashback sequence... except for the final scene, where she was basically like, "You're still beautiful, Derek. I don't mind that you just thoughtlessly killed your girlfriend." TERRIBLE. TERRIBLE.
  • At least Stiles had his brain switched on. I admit I LOLed when he started explaining the concept of "unreliable narrator" to Cora. THIS IS WHY PEOPLE GO TO HIGH SCHOOL, CORA. So they can use handy analogies from English class to explain the story arcs of their own lives. 
  • Is there an explanation for why Peter Hale was randomly stalking his teenage nephew on school grounds? Or is that just a Beacon Hills tradition, like hanging out in the boy's locker room after dark?
  • Speaking of Beacon Hills traditions, I loved the reference to the town's "long line of animal attacks". THIS EPISODE IS COLD HARD PROOF THAT PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DROPPING LIKE FLIES IN BEACON HILLS FOR DECADES, AND YET NO ONE HAS DONE ANYTHING ABOUT IT. What happened to the FBI taskforce who were supposedly called in like four episodes ago?
  • Young Peter Hale = Tom Marvolo Riddle, just like how Cora = Dawn Summers, and Chris Argent = Ser Jorah.
  • Gerard Argent is so obviously evil that I find it 100000% unbelievable that anyone except his son trusts him AT ALL, ABOUT ANYTHING. I'm sorry, but literally everything he says is the creepiest thing ever, and now he's actually EXCRETING BLACK SLIME FROM HIS FACIAL ORIFICES. He's practically Sauron. 
  • "An abandoned distillery? Is this proof that Derek can only get his bone on in abandoned buildings?" -- commentary from my brother.
  • "Is it possible for a show like Teen Wolf to jump the shark? And if so, how could we tell?" -- further commentary from my brother, and something for us to ponder while we wait for the next episode.
Previous Teen Wolf posts.

Find me on Twitter @hello_tailor, and Tumblr at hellotailor. 
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Sunday, July 21, 2013

The costumes of X-Men: First Class, Part 1: Womenswear.

Posted on 9:27 AM by christofer D
Sometimes I feel like superhero fandom is suffering from some kind of intricate mass delusion regarding X-Men: First Class. Specifically, that it's a good movie. Because it's not. It's just not. But I love it anyway! Half of it may be trash, but the other half is heartbreaking doomed romance and clumsy-yet-effective political allegory. And McAvoy and Fassbender are really excellent casting, which is just as well because it takes serious acting chops to make some of their dialogue sound plausible. NEVER FORGET that this is the movie that forced Kevin Bacon to utter the line, "Turn the nuclear reactor up to 100% and make sure I'm not disturbed."
The best way to appreciate XMFC is to remove your brain with an icecream scoop and concentrate fully on the agonising Romeo & Juliet-style romance between Magneto and Professor X. It is beautiful. It is timeless. They could have cut out every other character (except maybe Raven and Oliver Platt) and I would still have queued up to watch the Doomed Mutant Terrorist Soulmates show on opening night. Also, if you're focusing on the Charles/Magneto stuff then you're less likely to notice this movie's main flaw: the fact that it's intensely terrible when it comes to The Gurlz.

Raven is the main female lead, and is simultaneously the best and worst-written of the ladies -- mostly because Moira's primary job seems to be Emoting At Stuff (Rose Byrne was tragically underutilised in this role), and Emma Frost is the archetypal amoral vixen character. With Raven, many aspects of her character are perfectly understandable in a really, really depressing way. For example, when she starts wandering around naked it really kind of makes sense, at least from the perspective that Erik is a douchenozzle who takes advantage of her low self-esteem and desire to be recognised as a mutant and an adult woman. Yeah, right, becoming a nudist is definitely a way of showing "pride" in your mutant side, I'm so sure. The fact that she's blue does not make one iota of difference to the fact that some dude just told her the best way to be proud of her body was to walk around naked for the rest of her life.
But while that does make sense (ERIK, YOU'RE A DOUCHE), Raven's relationship with Charles is kind of baffling. At most she's five years younger than him, but he treats her like a child -- presumably because physically, she ages slower than he does. It's understandable for her to be frustrated by his patronising attitude -- particularly since if he's in his late 20s, then she's at least 22 years old. However, their final scene was just bizarre. While it's easy to understand her being drawn to Erik (ie, someone who represents a more radical view of mutant freedom, and "respects her as an adult"), it's just plain inexplicable for her to leave her brother dying alone on the beach while she swans off to be Magneto's naked sidekick for the next 50 years. Emotionally, this did not ring true to me at all. Yes, she might have left him to join Magneto, but she wouldn't have left him bleeding to death with a broken spine.
I don't watch Mad Men, but the presence of January Jones leads to some inevitable side-by-side comparisons, particularly when it comes to the movie's aesthetic. I have to wonder if January ever wanted to criticise the 1960s-era costumes and set design in XMFC, because they're really not very... accurate. Not that this matters as much as in Mad Men, since a) it was probably a purposeful design choice, and b) XMFC technically takes place in an alternate universe, so even if the Cuban Missile Crisis etc did take place, it's reasonable to assume that fashions would be slightly different. However, there's another, rather more serious comparison you can make between X-Men and Mad Men: the way each one treats its female characters.
When making a movie set in 1960s America, it makes sense to include some period-specific sexism -- particularly when it's a movie that focuses on certain groups being oppressed by the patriarchy. X-Men is an ideal opportunity to slip in a couple of casual references to everyday sexism and racism, to highlight their similarities with anti-mutant xenophobia. Instead, you get things like Moira McTaggert infiltrating the Hellfire Club by taking off all her clothes to reveal a convenient set of perfect lingerie (including garter belt!) that allow her to pretend to be a hooker. While there are probably some people who are ready to go undercover at the Playboy Mansion at the drop of a hat (or skirt), that list begins and ends with Lady Gaga and people on their way to a hot date. Not a businesslike CIA agent on a stakeout with a male work colleague, who has now seen her in her underwear.

I can almost guarantee that someone will end up haranguing me in the comments section for being a prude, but seriously: if you're a female CIA agent in the 1960s, it's not a good idea to strip to your lingerie while sharing a car with a male work colleague. He's vanishingly unlikely to be impressed by your ingenuity, and will most likely report back to your bosses, some of whom may literally have been born in the 19th century. The perfect icing on the cake of Moira's "character arc" (LOL) was when Charles removed her memories without her consent, leaving her mumbling about a ~half-forgotten kiss~ in front of a room of old CIA dudes, who promptly turned to each other and were like, "THIS is why we shouldn't allow women out in the field."
And then there's the Angel Salvatore situation. In the X-Men comics, Angel is not a stripper. So why is she a stripper in the movie? What reason is there? Pro-tip for any filmmakers out there: if one of your female characters is a stripper or sex worker for no apparent reason... maybe reconsider and make her a bartender or bus conductor or something. This kind of thing is the reason why there are only about three actresses in Hollywood who have made it to 30 without having to play a stripper or a prostitute.
To me, the most surprising thing about Angel's transformation from sulky highschool dropout to sassy go-go dancer was the fact that, at the time of the movie's release, I don't remember people being particularly bothered by it. I'm certain plenty of fans were bothered by it, but nowhere near at the levels of the vocal douchebag contingent who thought it was sacrilege to cast a black .guy as Heimdall in Thor -- despite the fact that Idris Elba is as close as you're likely to get to a demigod in real life. Additionally, the combination of the underwear (or semi-underwear) costumes worn by Emma, Angel and Moira are the point where I start to lose faith in the original excuse of, "It's an alternate universe, so things don't need to be historically accurate!"
The way "1960s" costumes seem to work in this movie is that the menswear is relatively accurate, because for men, 1960s style is all about harking back to an era were Men Were Men. Back in those days, Don Draper and James Bond could order sixteen martinis and a new pocket square from room service, and not have anyone bat an eyelash. However, 1960s womenswear just doesn't have the same connotations, and most of the womenswear in XMFC was altered to make it look more appealing to modern standards of beauty. Most noticeably, the bra shapes. It's absolutely plausible to include a scene where a bunch of Playboy Bunny types are entertaining gross old dudes in a members-only club, but the girls would all be wearing bullet bras, would have ~trendy '60s hairstyles (WHERE WERE THE BEEHIVES??), and would probably be about 15 lbs heavier than the modern-day models they hired as extras in that scene.
With the exception of Emma Frost, most of the womenswear in this movie was kinda meh to me. No disrespect to the costume designer, who has done amazing work on a bunch of movies like V for Vendetta, Hellboy 2, and Stardust. It's just that the way I see it, the filmmakers went out of their way to create a "best of both worlds" scenario: 1960s sexism allowing them to include a scene where a whole bunch of women strip down to their underwear for male entertainment, but 21st century standards of beauty so the (male) audience can appreciate it on the same level. Emma Frost was great, though. She's pretty much the only character you can get away with dressing in a white leather miniskirt and a white bra for everyday wear, because that's just how she rolls. Which begs the question: why bother with extraneous eyecandy scenes like Moira's CIA lingerie mission in the first place?

The menswear, on the other hand, is excellent. More on that in Part 2.
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Posted in costume design, marvel, movies, superheroes, x-men | No comments

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Teen Wolf: "Currents".

Posted on 7:29 AM by christofer D
Previously on Teen Wolf: "Motel California".

Ordinarily I'd be giving this episode a very positive review. It was full of the kind of Teen Wolf nonsense that usually warms the cockles of my heart: boner jokes, half-assed plans plans like "flood your apartment and electrify the water", Isaac wearing cute knitwear, werewolves jumping 10 feet in the air like Spring-Heeled Jack, Lydia being awesome. However, Boyd's character arc has been so poorly handled that it ended up overshadowing my enjoyment of the rest of the episode.

I heard a rumour recently that Isaac would be killed off in this episode, and my immediate reaction was "NO!!!" because a) Isaac has endured constant torment for two solid seasons now, and b) why kill him? It would be cold hard proof that Jeff Davis is indeed Voldemort. However, I wouldn't necessarily have been annoyed with it as a writing decision, because it would've been in keeping with Teen Wolf's overall tone as a show where bad things happen to good people, and everything is tragic and dismal all the time. However, killing off Boyd struck me as total bullshit.
Since the introduction of the three new betas, Boyd has always been the one with the smallest amount of useful screentime. Until last week he had almost no backstory, and overall he's been given fewer lines and less agency than almost anyone else in the cast. This season he's had maybe three good moments, including this episode's electrocution plan and last week's revelation about his sister. And in the light of his death, this now makes it seem as if he was written to be a disposable character. Which surprises me, because Teen Wolf's M.O. is to torture its audience by torturing its characters, and it's kind of difficult for the audience to get attached to a character when he's rarely given anything to say.
Why did Boyd die? From an emotional standpoint, he's yet another addition to Derek's Manpain Roster of tragic deaths... but then again, Isaac would've been a far more effective choice if they wanted to torture Derek some more. It may have been necessary for Derek to "kill" one of the betas in order for the Alpha Pack plotline to progress, so Boyd's death presumably makes sense in the long run... but to me, it felt cheapened by his utter lack of character development. Even his method of death was poorly handled, as he apparently died from being forcibly impaled on Derek's fingernails?? This looked like a really difficult way to die, even if he was powerless from being electrocuted. I mean, fingers are bendy. How on earth could the twins have dropped 200lbs of Boyd onto Derek's hands and not had Derek's hands just... bend away, instead of going all the way through Boyd's ribcage and puncturing his lungs to the extent that he was dead within a minute? I realise this is a nitpick, but logistically speaking, Boyd's death was impossible.
Who was Boyd? Do we even have a solid idea of his personality and life goals? Why on earth did he tell Derek that the bite was "worth it" when a couple of weeks ago, he was telling Stiles that he'd just lost his only friend? All of these issues are exacerbated by the fact that out of all the Teen Wolves in Teen Wolf, the two fatalities so far have been the sexy blonde girl and the black guy who never got much dialogue: two crappy old horror movie tropes that Teen Wolf should really be trying to subvert rather than copy. Of the three betas, the girl got to be sexy and then dead, the black guy got to be silent (and occasionally threatening) and then dead, and the white guy got a ton of screentime and a tragic backstory. Don't get me wrong, I love Isaac. But I feel like I never got the chance to love Boyd because he was always given so little to say or do.
Out of the main cast this season (including tertiary characters such as family members and the Alpha Pack), nine characters are white men, and nine are women and/or people of colour. Among the new characters, everyone except Kali has received more character development and useful screentime than Boyd, who has been around longer than any of them. The Twins both got romantic subplots and multiple interactions with the main cast, Jennifer Blake is Derek's love-interest, and Deucalion is the primary villain of the series. Meanwhile, even after two seasons we know very little about Boyd, either in terms of his personality or basic details such as his sexuality or day-to-day life. During school scenes, Allison, Lydia, Stiles, Scott, Danny and the Twins are regularly in the same classes together, but Boyd is rarely there. Is he meant to be a year older than the rest of the cast...? I honestly do not know. And I know setting it out like this makes it sound like a coldly mathematical issue of ~demographics~ and screentime, but seriously. When you think about it, the whole Boyd situation does not look good.
Anyhow, if there's anyone still reading this: time to talk about the rest of the episode. First of all, the opening scenes were 10000% NIGHTMARE for me, because I have a phobia of moths. Being trapped in a car full of attack-moths is pretty much my idea of hell. And didn't they say last week that someone from the FBI was gonna show up and start solving this whole serial-killer druid problem? You know, so as to avoid a whole bunch of people dying while the local Sheriff and a bunch of traumatised teenagers simultaneously fumble around, trying not to tell each other what's going on? The only "good" outcome of this is my continuing belief that Sheriff Stilinski thinks Stiles is the killer. Like, seriously. STILES HAS A SECRET. HE'S OUT ALL THE TIME, AND WON'T TELL ANYONE WHERE HE WAS. HE'S OBSESSED WITH THE MURDERS. HE'S ALWAYS AT EVERY CRIME SCENE. Sheriff Stilinski is having a nervous breakdown right now because he thinks his son is a psychotic druid murderer. This is just a gold hard fact (that I believe in my head with little to no evidence to support it).
Derek's apartment is a real mystery in this episode. First of all, how does his submarine-style klaxon alert system work? And how did one of the Alpha Pack manage to draw that werewolf swastika on the window in the 2 seconds it took for Derek to look around and check the alarm? ALSO, how did they flood his apartment?? Is it completely watertight?? He's on like the eleventh floor of the building -- how does that even work without leaking onto the floor below?? I can only assume that he owns the entire building, because it's totally unlivable (GIANT HOLES IN THE WALLS!!) but has power, so he's probably not squatting in a derelict building. And no landlord would be OK with all the shit he pulls, like having constant murderfights with werewolves in the middle of the night, and flooding an entire floor.
I think I've given up on Cora. Even if we eventually find out what she's been doing for the past 6 years, the complete absense of any Cora/Derek relationship scenes have ruined her character development in this show. As a viewer, I have no understanding of what she's feeling, or why she acts the way she does. I theorise that she and Derek care about each other but are too fucked up to express it, but honestly, I see no actual evidence of that onscreen. Cora comes across as a tough, angry character, but with no emotional depth or complexity. When she cried over Boyd's body I just felt confused, because we'd barely seen any development of a Boyd/Cora relationship, so it felt like she was just crying because someone had to cry. I suspect she's working with the Alpha Pack, but surely that'd give her more reason to get closer to Derek, not less. I'M BAFFLED.
Finally: what, exactly, was the plan with regards to Ms Blake? The Twins are her students so they couldn't have let her live, because she'd obviously be able to identify them to the police. So Ethan and Aiden must have been 100% OK with the idea of kidnapping and then murdering their innocent, human teacher as part of a werewolf power-play. This doesn't exactly help the show's case as it attempts to ~humanise~ the twins as individual characters with functioning emotions and the potential to be redeemed.

Miscellaneous
  • SCISAAC were quadruple hilarious in this episode. Sleeping in Melissa's room! Completely incapable of lying to her when she asks what the hell they're doing there! SCISAAC ARE BEYOND ADORABLE. 
  • WHY IS LYDIA STILL BANGING AIDEN?? HE IS AN EVIL WEREWOLF. STILES TOLD HER LIKE TWO WEEKS AGO. And he just helped murder Boyd. If she is still making out with him next week, I am gonna be so annoyed, because it just makes no sense whatsoever as a character choice.
  • ISAAC LAHEY PERSONALITY ROULETTE: Despite moving in with Scott after Derek acted like a complete asshole last week, he agreed to help Boyd protect Derek's apartment! Without even seeming reluctant, afraid, or pissed off! Whyyyyy. 
  • Oddly enough, this episode was fully of genuinely excellent scenes: Stiles and Danny in the hospital (HILARIOUS), the ouija board scene, and Scott giving Stiles sensible and emotionally intelligent advice about his dad. 
  • What the hell was Allison wearing? Was it the special tunic that Night Vale citizens wear on Date Night? (This reference will only make sense if you listen to Welcome To Night Vale. In other news, everyone should definitely listen to Welcome To Night Vale, because it is awesome.)
  • IRL LOL as Deaton persists in being unnecessarily cryptic, even when asking for someone to save his life. "Find me!" he says mysteriously, before hanging up the phone. PLEASE ELABORATE!!!!!
  • Also, that one time when a character sent a text message that read: "I found something." WHAT A TERRIBLE MESSAGE. I hate it when people on TV do this. "I've got something really dramatic to tell you, but it can't happen until we're both onscreen in the same geographical location!" DUDE, YOU MIGHT BE DEAD BY THEN. Terrible. Stop. The only legitimate reason to do this is if you think someone might be wiretapping your phone, and I'm pretty sure that isn't a concern in Beacon Hills. 
  • Scott/Allison boner jokes = A++, would watch again.
  • So... Beacon Hills really is a Hellmouth, then?
  • This week on Derek Is The Worst: did he really use the "I'm going to rip your throat out... with my teeth." line AGAIN? Derek, it was a terrible threat the first time, and it's even worse when you used it again. Derek, you're the worst.
  • Lydia got some GREAT stuff in this episode. Love her. I just wish she wasn't INEXPLICABLY hooking up with an evil werewolf for no discernible reason.
  • Scott was super cute in this episode, particularly when fanboying his mum, and bringing her lunch at work. :)))) Please don't die, Melissa McCall!!
  • Connected to that previous point: I'm pretty sure that Scott McCall is the only person who could get away with going up to an injured woman in a hospital waiting room and being all, "I've heard human contact can help with pain." If someone did that to me I would be soooo creeped out. 
  • (P.S. If anyone's wondering why there's only one picture of Boyd in this predominantly Boyd-centric post, it's because only one of this week's official promo pics featured Boyd. Make of that what you will.)
Previous Teen Wolf posts.

Find me on Twitter @hello_tailor, and Tumblr at hellotailor. 
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Monday, July 15, 2013

Mako Mori and the Hero's Journey.

Posted on 12:57 PM by christofer D
(Crossposted from Tumblr, because it was so goddamn long.)

So, it’s come to my attention that there are a bunch of people who think Mako Mori is a “weak" female character, because of course. In fact a good friend of mine (who is a woman and professional film reviewer) thought Mako was too “emotional" , which a) made me go "!!????!!" in blank incomprehension, and b) brought it to my attention that people who aren’t random internet misogynists do indeed have this opinion. Still, it’s a wrong opinion, and here’s why:

First of all, let’s talk about cliche. Pacific Rim is positively roiling in cliches. On purpose. This isn’t a blockbuster movie where some faceless production company focus-grouped a selection of generic Hollywood movie cliches and combined them to create the new Avatar or Transformers. No. This is a movie where Guillermo del Toro, an acclaimed filmmaker and all-round nerd, sat down and thought, “what cliches are awesome?"

Which is how we ended up with a movie about people in giant mecha suits fighting giant Kaiju monsters in an epic battle to save Planet Earth from a Lovecraftian apocalypse.
image
Guillermo del Toro took a bunch of classic action/adventure movie tropes and gleefully combined them in a cheesy yet incredibly effective way. Also, he conveniently ignored all the shitty action/adventure tropes that regularly make Hollywood blockbusters into a pile of offensive trash. For example, shitty tropes like America Saving The World. Or female characters being relegated to the role of love-interest, helpless damsel, or ass-kicking sex fantasy.

Mako Mori is neither a damsel, nor a sex fantasy. In fact, much like Stacker Pentecost and Raleigh Becket, she gets her own (beautifully cliched) action/adventure hero character arc.
image
Raleigh Becket and Stacker Pentecost both follow character arcs that we see time and time again in the action/adventure genre: the damaged yet cocky maverick hero, and the gruff mentor/authority figure. Raleigh is actually a combination of two tropes: a hero who suffers loss thanks to his own cockiness (the death of his brother), and a maverick who must overcome his troubled past to save the day. Stacker Pentecost, like most mentor/father figures, dies an inevitable but heroic death so the younger hero (Mako) can find her own path.
And Mako? She gets the primary Hero’s Journey.

While the movie is mostly told from Raleigh’s POV, Mako arguably gets more backstory, and has more to overcome during her Hero’s Journey. She’s a rookie pilot (hello, action movie trope!) who needs to prove herself to her mentor figure (yes!) and work together with another hero (yes!!) in order to save the world.

The only reason why some viewers can’t seem to grasp this is because 99% of the time, “young rookie hero" characters look like Luke Skywalker. Aside from the fact that Mako is a woman, her storyline is so simple and cliched (in a good way!) that anyone with a basic familiarity with Hollywood blockbusters or Saturday morning cartoons should be able to follow it with the sound off.
image
When she breaks down during her first Drift and almost trashes the Hong Kong Shatterdome, this isn’t an example of female emotional weakness. In fact, it’s exactly what a male hero would’ve done in the same circumstances. Now, I don’t mean that in the sense that “this female character is just the same as a male character, so she’s awesome!" because a) that’s a bullshit concept, and b) Mako Mori isn’t like a male character: she’s a woman, and is also a hero, and she has character flaws and a tragic past, just like Raleigh.

Raleigh spent five years self-flagellating in an Alaskan construction site to deal with the death of his brother; Mako briefly succumbed to a flashback of her home being destroyed by a Kaiju. They both have their “weaknesses", because they are both human beings who have experienced pain and loss.

Before a hero can “win" or get their happy ending, they have to overcome two things: their own internal problems, and The Enemy. This is true of everything from 3000-year-old myths to Disney movies. Basically, Mako Mori (or any character in her position) had to fuck up before she succeeded, otherwise there would be no conflict, and the movie would be crap. Not to mention the fact that the reason why she fucked up in the first place was completely valid — and foreshadowed from the beginning. Mako’s whole life revolves around becoming a Jaeger pilot and avenging her parents, which is one of the biggest classic hero tropes in the entire movie. Avenging your dead parents against an evil monster is the ULTIMATE motivation.
image
If you think Mako Mori is weak and emotional, then you must REALLY hate Batman, because Batman is about a zillion times more “emotionally weak", and he never learns. Batman’s “my parents are dead" quest is nowhere near as goal-oriented as Mako’s desire to defeat the Kaiju, and he’s constantly screwing up because of his own emotions: anger, self-loathing, and survivor’s guilt. That’s what makes Batman a compelling character.

But after Mako was brought low by her traumatic flashback during her neural link with Raleigh, she immediately picked herself up and kept going. Rather than being sucked into her anger and grief, she channeled it into strength, formed a team with Raleigh, and they saved the world together.
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Sunday, July 14, 2013

The costumes of Pacific Rim.

Posted on 7:15 AM by christofer D
N.B. If you're here via Bleeding Cool, here is the masterlist of my costume design posts. I know a lot of my recent posts are about Teen Wolf, but I promise that most of the time, this is a costume design blog. ;) 
Dress For Success – An Analysis Of The Pacific Rim Costume Designs, for BleedingCool.com.


Pacific Rim may come across as a live-action anime, but the costumes are relatively down-to-earth. Set a little over a decade in the future, Guillermo del Toro ignored futuristic styles in favour of a mid-20th century aesthetic.

As an outspoken pacifist, del Toro was keen to remove any militaristic overtones from the movie. Hence the Jaeger crews all having ranks like “Marshall” and “Ranger”, and the general lack of a military aesthetic. The overall look of the movie is more wartime than warlike, with people bustling around either in civilian clothing or the grubby overalls of an airport hangar. Any uniforms we see are generally more like those worn by the crew of the Nostromo in Alien, rather than a military uniform with obvious ranks and a dress code. [READ MORE]

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Posted in costume design, movie costumes i have loved, pacific rim, uniforms | No comments

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Teen Wolf: "Motel California".

Posted on 6:29 AM by christofer D
Previously on Teen Wolf: "Frayed".

If there was an award for "most arbitrary reason for a shirtless scene", Teen Wolf would be a shoo-in. This was a genuinely good episode, but I couldn't help but LOL at all the ab-cameos. While there were a couple of relatively legitimate shirt-removals (ie, for sex), some were... less so. Like for example, when Boyd tried to drown himself in the bathtub, but stripped his shirt off first. (But not his pants.) Even in the flashback to Uncle Moustache's 1970s suicide, we got an ab shot. WELL DONE, TEEN WOLF. Well done.
Anyhow, this was a really great episode of Supernatural. Luv cursed motels. Luv cameo appearances from Stephen King's creepy old aunt. Luv totally arbritrary reasons for every character in a TV show to be in a new location. "Athletics meet"?? Since when is Lydia an athlete? Is everyone an athlete? Why do they have to take an overnight trip, and why does Chris Argent barely seem to know where his daughter is, and why? Oh, it doesn't matter. For Reasons, everyone had to stay overnight at the Scooby Doo Haunted Motel, chaperoned by the world's worst authority figure, Coach Finstock. "No sex, kids! But if I hear screaming during the night, I won't notice or do anything about it, because that would interfere with the plot!" Repeat after me: Just Go With it.

Have you ever noticed that whenever the camera pans over the full moon in Teen Wolf, Drama Noises appear? I like to imagine that in Beacon Hills, that happens in real life. People look at the moon, and then the soundtrack from Psycho swells in the background, to add Important Drama. But I digress from the more important topics at hand: ie, that MTV is breaking new ground by showing a male/male nipple kissing scene on teen television. Emmys all round for Danny and Ethan, who at 37 and 26 respectively, are still high school juniors. (NEVER FORGET.)
source: TeenWolf.tumblr.com
My favourite aspect of this episode was how goddamn sensible everyone is -- while remaining within the bounds of traditional horror movie idiocy, of course. Like, obviously they're not going to leave the haunted motel. That would be too easy.

I particularly enjoyed Stiles' list of Suspicious Characters, headed up by Mr Harris. "IT'S SNAPE AGAIN," shouted Ron (Stiles), as Harry (Scott) rolled his eyes in the background. "SNAPE IS DEFINITELY TO BLAME." Plus, of course, there's the agonizing pragmatism of Stiles suggesting that hey, maybe Lydia's at it again. Unlike Allison and Scott, who tend to be far more biased (both positively and negatively) about people they know, Stiles is ruthless. Yes, he has a crush on Lydia, but also she might be killing a bunch of people. Somehow, Stiles manages to combine this level of assholic cynicism with the ability to look like a) a muppet, and b) a sad-eyed cartoon baby deer. BRB, mailing Dylan O'Brien his third EGOT of the season.
Aside from the fact that people really need to start listening to Lydia, Team Human did pretty well this week. Like, they did kind of listen to Lydia, you know? Admittedly they didn't actually avoid the mortal peril, but Allison did at least support Lydia when she started hearing imaginary murder noises in the room next door. Specifically, instead of saying something like, "Maybe we should just stay indoors," or "I didn't hear anything," Allison says, "Maybe we should find out." Which is, incidentally, the ideal way to help small children who think there's a monster under their bed: investigate the monster. How do we deal with problems like this, Allison? Clinically and unemotionally.
It's official: Ethan is a complete and utter nightmare. I kind of thought he was gonna be ~swayed by the power of love~ or whatever, but no. He's still a total psycho. "I hope you don't get brutally murdered in my unnecessary werewolf gang war," he says to Danny, looking 1% concerned about Danny's wellbeing, and 99% not giving a shit. WHEN IS SOMEONE GOING TO EXPLAIN TO DANNY THAT HIS BOYFRIEND IS A MURDEROUS CREEPAZOID? The Alpha Pack are just beyond me. Deucalian is clearly straight-up Voldemort evil, but Kali and the twins more or less seem to be just... following him...? Like, presumably they enjoy power, but... is this ever going to be explained? WHAT IS THEIR MOTIVATION? I mean, it's pretty clear that Danny is not Ethan's equivalent to Allison, because he's not actually doing anything to put him in any less danger. He's just expressing a vague sense of regret that Danny might end up being a civilian casualty in Ethan's joint quest to kill a bunch of people for really spurious reasons. In summary, Ethan: not a nice guy.

And now, onto the most vital aspect of this week's episode: Dennifer. Was it cheesy as fuck? Did include a deeply cliched "I'm too dangerous to love" conversation, as I predicted two weeks ago? Yes and yes. But do I give a shit? Hell no. Against all odds, the Jennifer/Derek romance scenes managed to be genuinely engaging, party because Jennifer is super adorable (SUPER adorable), and partly because Derek is really, tragically in need of some love. Even if he is completely terrible in almost every respect.
I was super into the way they kept putting Derek into the passive role, with his primary facial expression being "OMG, I'm getting kisses :(((". Teen Wolf: good at ignoring gender roles. In other news, is having sex while bleeding from abdominal wounds the werewolf equivalent of period sex? THAT'S LOVE, BABY. That's love. "You're like one giant open wound," murmurs Jennifer, before telling Derek he looks like a corpse, and then having sex with him for the rest of the episode. Own your kinks, ladies! If you're into guys who bleed a lot, then Derek is a real good choice -- particularly since he apparently doesn't even own a first aid kit. And from a poetic standpoint, "giant open wound" is a pretty accurate description of Derek Hale's personality. Agonising pain on the inside; romance novel cover model on the outside. ~~perfect boyfriend material~~
Finally, I hope we all joined hands and wept in unison during that Scott/Stiles friendship scene. Sad emotions tears falling from Dylan O'Brien's glistening eyes! Tyler Posey somehow managing to make a deeply cliched self-sacrifice speech believable and emotional instead of embarrasing and Harry Potterish! FRIENDSHIP!!! Stiles and Scott's BroTP is deeply beautiful to me and if they ever break up then I'm gonna have to go to TV Rehab Therapy.

Miscellaneous
  • Are you fucken kidding me with this Coach Finstock whistle bullshit?? Someone hid wolfsbane in his whistle?? Don't worry, kids! The ghost was just the fairground manager in disguise all along! Thanks, Scooby Gang, for saving the day! (Except... what was that fire ghost thing? Oh, who even cares...)
  • LOL GRANDPA ARGENT IS BACK. LOL LOL LOL.
  • The most implausible moment of the episode was the suggestion that Scott has never seen Star Wars. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? Surely Stiles would have forced him to watch the original trilogy by age nine, at the latest.
  • Let's never think or speak about that Scott/Allison shower scene ever again. It was The Worst.
  • GOLLUM ISAAC.
  • Finally some goddamn backstory for Boyd. Although he barely gets any dialogue. What is up with this show and not letting Boyd talk??? Still, at least he didn't stuff himself in the ice dispenser, which I was genuinely concerned was gonna happen towards the beginning of the episode.
  • Beautiful lovemaking cured Derek's fight wounds. TEEN WOLF SCIENCE!!
  • I'm getting the impression that last week's interminable mall fight scene must've been really expensive, because they are reeealllly getting their money's worth from all those pointless slow-mo flashbacks of people getting thrown into walls. Didn't we get enough of that last week? Do we really need to see Chris Argent go through it all over again??
  • Dennifer is clearly gonna end in blood and tears, so any Dennifer haters need to just chillax and wait it out. Nothing good ever happens in Teen Wolf. Especially to Derek.
  • Does Derek have electricity in his apartment? I'm pretty sure he did before, but maybe there was a power outage in Gotham City this week, or something.
  • Allison and Lydia's friendship makes me really happy. :))
Previous Teen Wolf posts.

Find me on Twitter @hello_tailor, and Tumblr at hellotailor.
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christofer D
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